July 7, 2021

On Gentle Pens and Poison Tongues

Grief does strange things to people. When the heart feels like it has a hole large enough to drive a truck through, it can be easy to lash out at others. Even (and perhaps especially) those who love us most. So when I recently found myself on the receiving end of this kind of toxicity, I had to take a moment and breathe. The temptation was — and is — strong to set the record straight by returning fire for fire. But retaliation does nothing to put out the fire. It merely doubles it. What does it mean to be “strong” in this context? It’s something I’ve […]
May 15, 2020

An Essential Caregiver Resource: The Caregiver’s Companion by Debra Kelsey-Davis and Kelly Johnson

At six this morning, I heard it: the whirr of my mother’s chair lift coming up from the basement. She was fully dressed, and had her bags packed, which means she must have been up since at least three. “It’s time to go to the train. Judge says I have to go to Vermont.” That damned Judge — the one in her head, who keeps giving her these untimely messages — is getting on my last nerve. Now, some experts will tell you that when someone with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia has hallucinations like these, it’s better to go with them to their […]