Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. In a good marriage, each partner takes care of himself or herself, so as to minimize the burden of disease or illness for the sake of the whole family. “Through intemperate living we drive ourselves to sickness, and then patch ourselves up with medicine; but with a sober diet and temperance we might have less need of remedies and keep ourselves in health,” observed St. Thomas More. But what can be done if one member persists in habits — a sedentary lifestyle, or overindulgence, or smoking — that greatly increase the chances that his or her life will be […]

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. “How’s your steak, honey?”  Craig eyes me expectantly, waiting for me to take a bite of the meat in front of me. Now, I’ve lived with this man for over a decade, and during that time I’ve learned a thing or two about the male ego. For example, I know that he doesn’t want me to compare his task to mine. For close to twelve years now I have managed to get hundreds of meals on the table — main dish and two sides plus the occasional dessert — without a sous chef or fanfare. I’ve even been known […]

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment.  (Almost have it memorized? Good for you!) “A good wife is a generous gift bestowed upon him who fears the Lord. Be he rich or poor, his heart is content, and a smile is ever on his face” (Sirach 26:3-4). In every marriage, there will come a time when you are called upon to give up something important to you for the sake of the one you love.  Sleep ranks high on the list for most parents. With spouses it might be a friendship, or a habit, or a measure of freedom to do or buy what you want, […]

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. St. Raphaela Porras, a Spanish nun who founded the Handmaids of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, would say to her sisters, “Have a good appetite. God does not want His spouses to look as though He fed them on lizards.”  This bit of saintly wisdom is a timely reminder for married couples, too. We all need to break free of our “serious” adult responsibilities and have some FUN!  A snowball or marshmallow fight, picnic in the park, or spontaneous night under the stars (don’t forget the harmonicas and S’mores) can be a welcome distraction at the end of a long […]

Ever have one of those days when you read something that hits you right between the eyes — because it convicts you of the very thing you had been doing just moments before? I have. In fact, it happened to me just now. My eyes fell upon today’s topic, and I realized in just that instant that I had been stewing for the umpteenth time about a member of my husband’s family who is one of the few people who makes me see red just by seeing that person across a crowded room. That’s a lot of power to give someone, right? As I wrote […]

 Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. Money — who makes it, who spends it, and how much is “enough” — is one of those topics that can be a minefield for many couples. Over the course of a lifetime, the ebb and flow of the bank account provides ample opportunities for a couple to practice simplicity on one hand, generosity on the other.  And yet, unexpected times of feast and famine — the loss of a job, an unexpected windfall — can create stress in a relationship if the couple does not learn to manage their expectations as well as their income. In her book The Handbook […]

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment How do you and your husband play together?  Before we married, Craig was an avid cyclist and ballroom dancer (we met at the U of M Ballroom Dance Club). I used to do a lot of cross-stitching, and we both enjoyed traveling. Between the two of us, we’ve managed to circle the globe. But as the years have passed, we’ve slowed down a bit. Quite a bit. As in, our idea of a good time is sharing a glass of wine and a good movie after the kids go to bed. Yessir, life in the fast lane! Over time […]

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. “Whatsoever things are true . . . honest . . . just . . . pure . . . lovely . . . of good report. If there be any virtue or praise, think on these things” (Philippians 4:8). Eighteen is going to be a magical year for my kids. They both talk regularly about what they hope to do when they reach the gateway to adulthood. Some of their dreams have a sense of urgency — reconnecting with birth family, for example. Others are simple declarations of independence: Sarah is counting the days until she will be old […]

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment Opposites attract. It makes sense, really — if you each possessed the same gifts and abilities, one of you would be superfluous. “Happy is the husband of a good wife, twice-lengthened are his days” (Sirach 26:1). This union of souls is synergetic – producing more as a result of their union than they would have individually. This principle is expressed uniquely in the headship of the husband, according to C.S. Lewis in The Four Loves:  “The husband . . . is to love her as Christ loved the Church – read on—and give his life for her. This headship, […]