June 3, 2011
June 3, 2011
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HR 3827: “Every Child Deserves a Family Act”

Last month Rep. Fortney Stark (D-CA) proposed HR 3827, “Every Child Deserves a Family Act,” which prohibits discrimination in foster or adoptive placements based on the “sexual orientation, gender identification, or marital status.” If it passes, faith-based agencies would be forced to place children in “non-traditional families,” even if it is contrary to their religious beliefs. With so many children in the United States in need of temporary or permanent homes — over 115,000 of these permanent wards of the state — it seems only fair to ask, “Why not place these kids in the homes of GLBT adults? Isn’t any family better than no family?” In a word, no. […]
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May 23, 2011
May 23, 2011
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When (a Child’s) Love Comes Slowly

Tonight on Army Wives, Joan and Roland bring home the child they decided to adopt from the state system. The boy is HIV+, yet the couple fell in love with the little boy (about 8 years old) that they threw caution to the wind, and brought him home as their own. The little boy, David, appeared to be a loving, engaging child at the agency, and seemed to get along well with the baby. But as soon as they got him home, the boy resisted Joan’s efforts to tend to him, pointedly asking Roland to read to him and turning away from her good-night kiss. […]
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May 10, 2011
May 10, 2011
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“Heidi,” Revisited

This weekend we watched the 1993 version of Heidi, starring winsome little Noley Thornton, Jason Robards (as Grandfather, known by the villagers as the “Alm Uncle”) and Jane Seymour (in an atypically severe role for the actress, the tight-lipped Frauline Rottenmeier). I didn’t enjoy this movie nearly as much as I enjoyed the classic novel when I was a girl (my mother named me after the title character, the orphan girl who is sent to live with her curmudgeonly old grandfather). This version of the movie takes considerable liberties with the book (including the opening sequence, in which the grandfather witnesses the deaths of Heidi’s […]
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May 1, 2011
May 1, 2011
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A Severe Kind of Mercy

As I contemplated writing tonight’s post, I read that Moammar Gaddafi’s youngest son and three grandchildren were killed in a NATO missile strike. The general survived, the report continued. On the other hand … how does anyone survive a loss of that magnitude?   Ordinarily the news might not have made such an impression on me. However, I recently took my children to see their birthparents, who had not seen any of their four kids in seven years.  It was supposed to be another seven years before Chris was supposed to see them, but Christopher’s birthdad had been having heart trouble. Craig and I talked about it off and […]
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April 10, 2011
April 10, 2011
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“We Have the Power to Change Things”: A Review of Adoption Nation by Adam Pertman

A few weeks ago I received an e-mail from a publicist, asking if I would review Adoption Nation, which had been recently updated and revised.  At the time I was in the throes of completing my master’s thesis, and the author’s name did not immediately register (Pertman is the executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Institute).  But the title caught my attention, so I asked her to send it. (My thesis is on the historical and theological foundations of adoption, so I figured one more book on the topic wouldn’t kill me.)   Last week I finally picked up the book . . . and […]
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April 4, 2011
April 4, 2011
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40-Day Challenge: Objectivity (Day 23)

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. Most of us bring a certain amount of “baggage” into marriage, and the older you are when you get married the larger the pile is likely to be. It’s important that each of us own our own “pile.” That means not making your spouse pay for someone else’s mistakes … and to recognize that there are some relationships (not all of them healthy ones) that are going to continue even after you are married. Now, to be honest I went into marriage with certain ideas about what a good marriage looks like. It looked remarkably like my parent’s marriage, where […]
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February 25, 2011
February 25, 2011
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Yes, I’m His REAL Mom

The other day on AnnArbor.com, I wrote this post about Christopher sending a handmade Valentine’s Day card to his birth mom — and made the exact same card for us.  Three adult adoptees wrote in comments on the article, each of them affirming that I am indeed my children’s “real” mother, and that one day Chris and Sarah will come to see me not as their “adoptive” mom, but simply their “mom.” I wish I shared their confidence. One of the down sides of open adoption (or any adoption in which the child is old enough and has the means to get in touch or stay in touch with his or her […]
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February 16, 2011
February 16, 2011
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The Woman in the Mirror

Today I’d like to reprise a few thoughts from my early days of foster care, in gratitude for the new friends I made today who are interested in becoming foster parents — even after I hinted that it could be JUST a bit more challenging than they thought when  they first looked into it! Foster parenting is tough. There’s really no getting around it. Unlike biological parenting, in which the mother gets to experience labor before delivery, with foster parenting (and adoption), the labor takes place AFTER the delivery. And it can be every bit as messy, painful, and embarrassing. But then — it can […]
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January 30, 2011
January 30, 2011
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“Part the Waters, Lord”

One of the best parts of my Evangelical heritage is the music–four part hymns, solid Gospel and contemporary Christian recording artists such as the Gaither Trio, Keith Green, Second Chapter of Acts, Michael Card, and Evie Turnquist. (In one of my most rebellious moments, I sneaked a contraband cassette tape of Fleetwood Mac’s “Rumours.” I don’t remember actually playing it — just having it in my room was enough.) My taste in music is quite a bit more eclectic now — from Big Band sounds to Top Forty with a smattering of alternative and international and show tunes. Give me a little Cole Porter or Jennifer […]
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