Heidi Saxton - Life on the Road Less Traveled

April 12, 2011

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40-Day Challenge: Thoughtfulness (Day 30)

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. “A gracious wife delights her husband, her thoughtfulness puts flesh on his bones” (Sirach 26:13). In her book By Love Refined (p.113), Alice von Hildebrand has this to say to the young woman whose husband did not spontaneously offer to help her put away some holiday decorations. “Might there be a subtle stubbornness in you that prefers to suffer rather than to ask for assistance? If so, that’s unfortunate, because it keeps you from tapping one of the great resources in the hands of women: an appeal to that sense of chivalry that is found deep within the hearts […]

April 11, 2011

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40-Day Challenge: Talk! (Day 29)

In her lovely book on marriage, By Love Refined (p. 187), Dr. Alice von Hildebrand observes with characteristic candor: “In too many marriages, the husband is so absorbed in his career that he pays less and less attention to his wife . . . . In such marriages, one unfortunate consequence is that the only time the husbands look at their wives is in the bedroom. They view physical intimacy as a relaxation which enables them to work better the next day. Finally, the relationship between such spouses is reduced to watching TV and sleeping together. What a tragic impoverishment of human life and a maiming […]

April 10, 2011

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“We Have the Power to Change Things”: A Review of Adoption Nation by Adam Pertman

A few weeks ago I received an e-mail from a publicist, asking if I would review Adoption Nation, which had been recently updated and revised. At the time I was in the throes of completing my master’s thesis, and the author’s name did not immediately register (Pertman is the executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Institute). But the title caught my attention, so I asked her to send it. (My thesis is on the historical and theological foundations of adoption, so I figured one more book on the topic wouldn’t kill me.) Last week I finally picked up the book . . . and […]

April 9, 2011

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40-Day Challenge: Sabbath (Day 28)

“Six days thou shalt work and do all thy labor . . . “ (Exodus 34:21) “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) Growing up, I always thought Sundays were something of an ordeal. Church in the morning, church in the evening, and a fancy dinner inbetween that invariably involved washing every dish in the house … twice. After dinner, everyone would lay down for what seemed to be Dad’s favorite hour of the whole week: NAPTIME! Once I had kids of my own, I found that I needed to recharge […]

April 8, 2011

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40-Day Challenge: Respect (Day 27)

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. We were sitting in our favorite diner after church, the kids busily scribbling with crayons on their placemats and kicking each other under the table. As much to make conversation as anything, I told Craig that I was writing about “respect” for one of the challenges, and asked him, “So what do YOU think it means, to ‘respect’ your spouse?” The “deer in the headlights” look on Craig’s face made me rephrase the question immediately. “I mean … can you think of anything I do, or you would like me to do, to make you feel respected?” He relaxed, but just barely. Finally […]

April 7, 2011

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40-Day Challenge: Quiet (Day 26)

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. Today is very simple. Just be quiet. Not just on the outside, but on the inside where life gets caught in the corners. First, find a timer or small alarm, so you can set the time for you to return to the “real world.” (This isn’t so you don’t take too long, but so you won’t be preoccupied with what time it is so you start looking at your watch every two minutes.) Next, go pour yourself a glass of iced tea or whatever, and (if the kids are with you) put on a DVD […]

April 6, 2011

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40-Day Challenge: Prayer (Day 25)

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. See that little gadget on my dashboard? That’s Gertrude … Gertrude Penelope Saxton (GPS). I never go anywhere without her, primarily because when I do I have a tendency to drive in hopeless circles. With her, I’ve been known to drive across whole states without incident. I don’t usually have a Rosary on my windshield — although I usually keep one on hand when I’m flying someplace. (As in “on a plane,” as I have yet to receive the gift of levitation). Part of me thinks that the plane is more likely to stay in the air that […]

April 5, 2011

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40-Day Challenge: Pride (Day 24)

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. St. Bernard of Clairvaux said that there are four levels of love: Love of self for self’s sake. Love of God and others for self’s sake. Love of God and others for their own sake. And love of self for God’s sake. When we get stuck in Level 2, pride is often at the root of it. We spend a lot of time trying to “fix” people. You know, to tweak God’s “masterpiece” just a bit. If we want to grow in perfect love, we need to resist this, and to move toward that third level, when we love others […]

April 4, 2011

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Adoption

40-Day Challenge: Objectivity (Day 23)

Begin with the Prayer of Abandonment. Most of us bring a certain amount of “baggage” into marriage, and the older you are when you get married the larger the pile is likely to be. It’s important that each of us own our own “pile.” That means not making your spouse pay for someone else’s mistakes … and to recognize that there are some relationships (not all of them healthy ones) that are going to continue even after you are married. Now, to be honest I went into marriage with certain ideas about what a good marriage looks like. It looked remarkably like my parent’s marriage, where […]